Had a great time at the Rose Parade. Small hassles here and there, but I can't get upset or even stressed about the fact that I got to see people filled with positive energy, and I fed off of that. My betazoid self really enjoyed that. Getting paid was kinda nice, too.
Got to chat with my buddy before he left. Made sitting traffic much easier. Made that goodbye part of his journey easier.
When I came home my dad called. The call was overall positive, but he did something he's always done - taken a task I've done and pointed out a way I could have done it better instead of saying "you did a good job". It wasn't a bad thing. He was only offering advice, but it is something that has always annoyed me. Luckily it was a short lived thing and I was happy he called because it meant that he was proud in some way. That was his way of interacting with me. He NEVER calls us. I am the one who always calls. So, even with the small bump, it was ok.
Later in the evening I was reminded of the fact that I am different. I hate that. I know I am not like the masses. I have always felt like an outsider, but I don't always need to be reminded of that. The culprit tonight was a group I've seen pop up from time to time, but tonight I saw that I was left out of the group. Crafting for Jesus. My friend, Wendy Day heads it, I think. I like her. She's always seemed like a "different" person like me. Two of my other friends were invited, maybe more. This isn't something I feel was deliberate. These are good people. I am not sure what they do, but I can safely assume they are making stuff for people while socializing, and somehow Jesus is involved. Making stuff for others is always a nice thing.
This isn't a complaint against anyone. What it is, is my perception of how it feels to be an outsider among a large group of people. This is something that slaps me in the face a lot. I have many, many friends that are Christian. A good chunk of the US is Christian. They are all over the place. I, however, am not.
I was raised Roman Catholic. I went to Catholic school. I am thankful for this. I was lucky to have a wonderful education, and religion classes were like ethics classes, something children and teens need. That good education gave me the mental tools to analyze my world and make informed logical conclusions. I eventually spent 1 semester at Catholic University. Ironically, this was the time, and place - in religion class - that I decided to stop believing in a god. Our professor made us read Mircea Eliade's The Sacred and the Profane. This book solidified my feeling that religion and the concept of "god" was a human invention, and that is all.
This change in belief structure wasn't an overnight thing. In 7th grade, Nija Koutnik, my friend from Mercy Cross HS in Biloxi, Mississippi, told me she didn't believe in the devil or hell. I was scared at first. Raised, as I was, never to question the Bible, I found statements like that scary. But when I heard her argument, something I've forgotten, it made sense. And I could not refute the logic in it. My inner Vulcan said, "That's logical." This began a schism in my belief system. Logic and science vs religion.
Here's my opinion about religion:
- Humans are scared of what they can't explain or don't know. Through history they have created a catch-all answer for these things.
- These deities take on attributes of fathers or mothers depending on the societies' tolerance of women or the importance they assign to fertility and birth.
- Humans don't like change, so even if the evidence shows that what happens has a scientific basis, they will do what they feel comfortable with, not change.
- Religion creates a moral template for a society. It gives humans boundaries. This is a good thing, even if it is not my thing.
- Religion really is the opiate of the masses. It keeps humans calm when they are stressed and gives them hope.
- Humans tend to define themselves by their religion.
- Humans will do very, very, illogical things for their religion.
- Humans will kill for their religion.
Some of those things are good, some are bad. I'm not writing anything new here.
I am losing mental structure. I have been up since 3 am. I need sleep (see last posting).
I want to talk about these things, describe why I feel like I do before someone judges me and writes me off. I need to put these things in a document and get them off my chest. But I have to be more awake.
I want to talk later about:
-What I DO believe
-How I perceive Christianity and other religions
-How I perceive the man called Jesus, Buddha, and Allah
-What I adore about some Christians, and other religious people
-What I really abhor about some Christians and other religious people
-What I think will happen to religion
-History of religions and the importance of the source of the information
But I need sleep.
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